The Battle Within

The battle within has little to do with us, but it is a battle none the less. We are mainly helpless to watch, to observe it from the sidelines so to speak, assuming that is, that we are committed to sitting still long enough to perceive it.

The battle within is between consciousness of where we are and what we are doing and forgetfulness of the fullness of the moment and all that it holds. We are either in the now moment or we are on vacation from reality.

A painter can paint with complete awareness of what he is doing or he can actually forget that he is breathing, that his hand holds the brush, that he is in the studio painting. He can make each stroke with a deliberateness, with a full sense of the aliveness of his hand, of how the wooden handle feels as he holds it, of how the paint smells in his nostrils, of how it glides onto the canvass, of how the colors blend and of the texture it creates, or...he can do it roboticly, absentmindedly, even while he dreams of being elsewhere. Perhaps dreaming of being on a far away beach, or dreaming of great fame.

Most of us are on permanent vacation from the Present Moment. We live in a wakeful dream, living anywhere and everywhere but in the here and now. It is our personal Matrix from which we must wake or die in our sleep.

Of ourselves we can do nothing about our salvation from the dream world. We can not give ourselves the ability to live fully in the Moment. The only thing we can do of ourselves is to commit to regular sitting still, which accumulates in ability to remain in the Present, and out of the dream world more and more. But nobody, not even God Himself, can give us the comittment to do it.

And yes, of course, we must give up our irritations and negative emotions. But that is not the goal. It is not the first thing. Seek first the Kingdom of Stillness, and all other things, including the grace to give up resentment and anger, will be added unto us. We make a big mistake when we think about putting anything else first. Find within the faith to sit daily, at least once, no matter what, no matter how worthless or hopeless it at first seems, and by your perseverance and comittment, you will be changed, little by little, day by day, by the renewing of your mind from within.