Do You Compromise?

In my formative years I had a mentor whose emphasis was on learning to do and say as you knew in your heart to do and say as opposed to conforming to or rebelling against the very real pressures of others or circumstance. The operative emotion at play here, he would say, is resentment. Resentment is powerfully hypnotic. Resent the pressure to conform (or react/rebel against it) and it will suck you out of your center faster than the speed of light and will not easily let you go. Caught up in your mind, you are now floundering around in darkness and separated from Wisdom. Whatever decision you make from this place will be wrong, if only in timing. But remain watchful of resentment, allow it and and any pressure to pass before deciding anything and then you will have clarity to know what to do or not do regardless of circumstance or what others may say or do. In this way you will see what is wise and be able to say yes or no with complete clarity and confidence.

My friend also use to illustrate a certain difference between people with the following story. Two boys are playing with a toy sailboat by a lakes edge. The breeze begins to blow the toy boats away from shore. Both boys reach for the little boats, one is stopped by a mysterious wordless knowing that says "reach no more" and pulls back, the other reaches too far, falls in and drowns. As kids, my younger sister and brother and I were part of a neighborhood "army" consisting of us and three neighbor kids about our age. We spent many a time venturing and exploring the inner harbor wharf's, abandoned buildings, wooded vacant lots, construction sites, etc. We had a blast during those years but sometimes there would come a "dangerous" moment like crossing over a 12" plank 10' above the ground or some such thing. Usually these were not a problem but occasionally I would get an inner "knowing" not to do a certain something and I would not. I would warn everyone but they wouldn't listen. Invariably it would be my brother who would be the one walking across the plank when it would break or slip and be the one to need stitches, or a bone repaired or whatever.

I have learned to trust that inner "knowing" when it arises. I no longer compromise with it. Some of the most painful lessons in my life have come precisely as a result of compromising. Whenever I need to make a decision, it is my habit to scan myself. If there is any unease I pull back and wait. When I am completely at peace with a potential option I am free to take it. More and more however, decisions are something that happen to me. For example, long story short, I need to move my business to a new location. Leases and losing $$ are at stake if I do not find something quick. I look at two potential options that I like. Both have pros and cons but are not perfect. I am pressured to make a move by circumstance but do not allow the pressure to dictate the move. In the end I am not at ease with either location. I email the owners and tell them absolutely straight how I Iove almost everything about their locations, and the deals they offered me, but just can not do it for reasons A, B and C. I feel the pressure of time breathing down my back but all I can do is allow it and wait to see what happens next. The owner of location "A" writes back and says he appreciates my direct honesty, wishes me well and "oh, by the way, there is a location I noticed over in such and such that you should look at. It would be perfect for you." I checked out his lead and bingo it is absolutely perfect in all ways, price, location, visibility, parking, and less than 8 mins from our new home. Couldn't have been any more perfect and all because I resisted the temptation to give into pressure and compromise with my gut. Now I can not take credit for the way things worked out. The best I can do is be willing to hold my ground and not compromise when under pressure and let the chips fall where they may. Life seems to work out pretty good this way.